Understanding Our Deepest Needs
I thought it might be helpful to share the following with you as it is the framework from which I approach the counseling that I do. We all have four core foundational needs that can only be met by God. However, when we fail to let God meet these core needs for us, we will attempt to get them met externally in other ways by someone or something else in our lives. This can lead to unrealistic expectations of others, a life of resentment, chronic disappointment, a rejection mindset, and so on. Our ability to give may also become dependent on what we get from others. To find that inner peace and fulfillment we seek, God needs to be at the center of our lives and relationships. Trying to get these core needs met outside of God is often the root cause of addictions, failed relationships, depression, abuse, chronic anger, codependency, narcissism, rejection, and so on.
Below is a more detailed outline of these core needs.
“I am loved and accepted for who I am in Christ”. When we seek to have our need for acceptance met by another person we will seek validation from others and will be let down. This can lead to us feeling rejected and bitter. God is the only one who knows everything about us and demonstrates his love for us through the finished work of Jesus Christ.
"I am an adopted child of God and a new creature in Christ”. As believers, when we understand our identity in Christ (that we are part of the Body of Christ and the family of God) we can truly love ourselves and others the way God intends. Those who have their need for identity fulfilled by God know they are special, unique, and a child of God.
“I am safe and secure in Christ". When we understand our eternal security in Christ it is easy to be at peace no matter what is happening around us. God is the only one who can make us feel truly safe and secure.
“I have a significant purpose in Christ, and there is a reason for my life”. When we feel a lack of purpose in our lives it can lead to such things as anger, addictions, and depression. God has a purpose and reason for each of our lives. Our true purpose will align with God's will and has to do with serving others in truth and love.
The section on core needs was inspired by the book, "Marriage on The Rock Couple’s Workbook", by Jimmy Evans