Rejection

Do you suffer with any of the following? If you answer yes to most of these, then you have a rejection mindset that needs healing. To complete this lesson, please read the material in the white block, watch the video teachings, listen to the podcast, and complete the assignment below.

Insecurity	Performance-based living	Constant busyness	Ralational walls
Identity confusion	Twisted communication	Blaming tendencies	Relational sabotage
Always feeling ignored or overlooked	Feeling separated from God and/or others	People-pleasing tendencies	Perfectionism
An excessive need for validation from others	Attention seeking	Jealousy	Addictions
Religious legalism	Toxic guilt and/or shame	Self-pity and victim-based thinking	Hopelessness

Rejection Quiz

Let's begin by assessing how much rejection is showing up in your life. Answer the following questions below with either a "yes" or "no" by marking it in your notebook. Answer "yes" if you notice this is currently true for you:

1. Do you struggle with feeling far from God?
2. Is experiencing God's love a struggle?
3. Do you only feel good if you are doing something productive or achieving something?
4. Do you find yourself trying to please God with your behavior?
5. Do you feel ignored by friends, family, and/or leaders?
6. Do you feel uncomfortable in social settings where you feel you need to put on a mask?
7. Do you anticipate rejection from new people you meet?
8. Do you feel like if people knew the real you they would not like you?
9. Do you become easily hurt and offended by people?
10. When someone questions you or disagrees with you do you become irritated, angry, or argumentative?
11. Do you feel you need to be right in discussions?
12. Do you "over-talk" in social settings?
13. Do you tend to not talk at all in social settings?
14. Do you repeatedly feel compelled to tell others about the accomplishments you have achieved?
15. Is your worth and value based on how well you do something?
16. Do you do things to get attention from people?
17. Do you struggle with addictive habits?
18. Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others?
19. Do you have a hard time figuring out where you are headed in life?
20. Are you highly driven and achievement motivated (somewhat of an overachiever)? 
21. Do you constantly deal with fear in the form of anxiety, stress, and worry?
22. Does a lot of relationship drama seem to follow you?

If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, then rejection is playing a big role in your life. Let's help you heal those rejection wounds once and for all!

Who Gets Rejected?

Everyone. Some people experience rejection very early in life, as early as the womb (i.e., out-of-wedlock pregnancy, unplanned/unwanted pregnancy, etc.), while others experience rejection later on in life. When rejection sets in at an early age, it can become a part of a person’s identity. Rejection that starts in infancy or adolescence can be triggered by experiences such as not being picked for a sports team, being bullied, friendships not working out, abuse in the home, a sibling being favored over another, a divorce, parents spending too much time at work, and so on. Rejection can also occur to us as adults, for example, as the result of a divorce or breakup, a friend or parent breaking our trust, a church hurt, not getting a job we thought we were qualified for, and so on. Knowing where and when rejection set in is valuable for knowing how to root it out.
 
Rejected people have an unnatural need for others to like them. Because of this, they tend to be people-pleasers and require words of affirmation, or constant pats on the back, as a means of acceptance. People with rejection are self-centered and demand a lot of time and attention from others. They often develop unhealthy relationships and become codependent. Rejection distorts the mind. As a result, a pattern of rejection plays out over and over again regardless of whether the rejection is actually occurring or if it is just perceived. Rejected people have difficulty determining if the perceived rejection is actually happening or if it is just a vain imagination. Because rejected people perceive rejection so much, they tend to reject others and push them away first for fear of being rejected themselves again and again... And this can lead to isolation.
 
Rejection says:

• ​“I am unloved”
• “I am unwanted”
• “No one is going to like me”
• “I fear people won’t accept me”
• “My needs are not important”
• “Nothing I do is ever good enough”
• “You like someone else other than me”
• “I fear my situation won’t change”
• “I have to do something to get you to like me” (results in people pleasing and striving)
• “You don’t care about me”
• “Your thing is more important than mine thing”
• “Yes, I will” (over committing to gain approval)

 
Rejection shows up as:

• Unworthiness (see more below)
• Inadequacy
• People-pleasing (enablers)
  
• Unacceptance
• Jealousy
• Self-centeredness (“it’s all about me”)
• Low self-esteem
• Victim issues
• Self-pity, woe-is-me
• Insecurity
• Codependency
• Fear (of failure, being alone, correction, rejection, etc.)
• Belittling others (often seen in men)
• Disrespect for others’ views
• Isolation (due to hurt)
• Lashing out at others
• Gift-giving to be liked

 
When rejection is operating, it can cause us to think negative thoughts that tell us we are not good enough and that others reject us. Rejection is tied to a spirit of fear (e.g., fear of being rejected, fear of being corrected, fear of being alone, fear of failure, and so on). A root of insecurity and jealousy can also be underneath rejection that we may need to break agreement with. Rooting out rejection means breaking agreement with all such lies. It is important to identify these lies because the problem is believing these lies as truth. We need to take such thoughts captive and come out of agreement with them.
 
It’s also important to move through repentance and forgiveness and replace the rejection with acceptance and the spirit of adoption as a child of God. Rejected people need to understand their love and acceptance comes from God. When we know God accepts and loves us in Christ, no one can reject us. As part of the body of Christ, we are all needed, and each play a role in building up the body of Christ (the church). The truth is it’s all about Christ. This is why it is critical to know our identity in Christ. Often times when people reject us (as believers) for standing for the truth of God's word, they are really rejecting Jesus Christ.
 
God will sometimes use a person to help root rejection out of another person. If you feel that the Lord has called you to be such a person, then you need to recognize the importance of this role and put your best foot forward by loving the rejected person the way Christ does. And, be prepared to get hurt because rejected people don’t know how to talk about their feelings. They are “stuffers” and when they try to express themselves, it can come out messy and hurtful. Just remember, don’t take the hurt in – just love them.
 
If God is for us – and He is! – who can be against us? No one.

Unworthiness

Unworthiness is another area of bondage that takes root in our hearts and minds when a clear understanding of identity is absent and rejection is operating. Unworthiness has to do with the way we feel about ourselves. Those who carry unworthiness have a poor view of themselves and may hold a lot of unresolved shame. Breaking free from unworthiness means healing our shame and accepting and loving all the parts of who we are despite whether or not anyone else does. Only God can transform us from the inside out and place in us a self-worth that is based on how he defines us. A God-centered self-worth is rooted in what the word of God says about us. Even though the world bases self-worth on what is seen on the outside (e.g., physical appearance, wealth, status, achievements, career, etc.), we serve a God who bases our worth on the identity we have "in Christ". When we allow ourselves to agree with the lie of unworthiness, we cut ourselves off from our God-given destiny. In order for God to use us at our full potential, we need to overcome feelings of unworthiness and KNOW who we are in Christ.

The enemy loves to attack our self-worth. He will use anything to get us to hold onto past sins, disappointments, failures, rejection, and unforgiveness. Such thoughts and feelings arise when we don’t accept the forgiveness, love, and grace that God offers us in Christ. We need to break agreement with such thoughts and feelings and learn how to receive God the Father’s love and forgiveness. God has wiped the slate clean! He doesn’t want us holding onto our past sins and beating ourselves up for our past mistakes. 

Believers who struggle with unworthiness often times have a difficult time accepting Father God's love. This can be because of a damaged relationship with their earthy father, as often times the way we relate to our earthly father impacts the way we relate to our heavenly Father. For this reason, it's important that we keep in mind "hurt people hurt people". Those who hurt others do so because they themselves need inner healing and haven't learned how to process through their own difficult emotions and wounds. As a result, they tend to put others down or speak abusively to them. It is these hurtful words and lies that people speak over us that can affect our own sense of self-worth. As believers, we need to pray for those who offend us, extend them forgiveness, and hold them accountable when necessary.
 
Ways unworthiness may show up:

• An inability to receive from others (a receiving problem)
• Victim mentality
• Pauper mentality
• Difficulty saying, “I love you” in the mirror
• Focusing too much on the negative
• Not letting go of the past (e.g., sins, disappointments, abuse, mistakes, etc.)
• Placing more importance on the outward person (e.g., appearance, possessions, status, etc.) rather than the inward person

 
Tips for overcoming unworthiness:

• Allow yourself to receive joyfully and understand that it is God doing the giving!
• Learn to love yourself for who Christ made you to be
• Understand that your self-worth is based on who you are "in Christ"
• Focus on how you want to be now rather than the failures of your past
• Allow yourself to be forgiven of past sins
• Renew your mind with the scriptures
• Know you are loved and wanted by Jesus!​

Video Teachings: Rejection

Podcast: Discussing Rejection​

• Episode: Discussing the Challenges of Rejection: Is Rejection Operating in Your Life?

Assignment

• Read Exposing the Rejection Mindset​, by Mark Dejesus. ​​