Rejection

Do you suffer with insecurity, identity confusion, performance-based living, constant busyness, relational walls, twisted communication, blaming tendencies, relational sabotage, always feeling ignored or overlooked, feeling separated from God and others, people-pleasing, perfectionism, an excessive need for validation or attention getting, jealousy, addictions, religious legalism, guilt and shame, self-pity, victim-based thinking, and/or hopelessness? If you answered yes to most of these, then you have a rejection wound that needs healing. To complete this lesson, read the material in the white block, watch the video teachings, listen to the podcast, and complete the assignment below.

Rejection Quiz

Let's begin by assessing how much rejection is showing up in your life. Answer the following questions below with either a "yes" or "no" by marking it in your notebook. Answer "yes" if you notice this is currently true for you:

1. Do you struggle with feeling far from God?
2. Is experiencing God's love a struggle?
3. Do you only feel good if you are doing something productive or achieving something?
4. Do you find yourself trying to please God with your behavior?
5. Do you feel ignored by friends, family, and/or leaders?
6. Do you feel uncomfortable in social settings where you feel you need to put on a mask?
7. Do you anticipate rejection from new people you meet?
8. Do you feel like if people knew the real you they would not like you?
9. Do you become easily hurt and offended by people?
10. When someone questions you or disagrees with you do you become irritated, angry, or argumentative?
11. Do you feel you need to be right in discussions?
12. Do you "over-talk" in social settings?
13. Do you tend to not talk at all in social settings?
14. Do you repeatedly feel compelled to tell others about the accomplishments you have achieved?
15. Is your worth and value based on how well you do something?
16. Do you do things to get attention from people?
17. Do you struggle with addictive habits?
18. Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others?
19. Do you have a hard time figuring out where you are headed in life?
20. Are you highly driven and achievement motivated (somewhat of an overachiever)? 
21. Do you constantly deal with fear in the form of anxiety, stress, and worry?
22. Does a lot of relationship drama seem to follow you?

If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, then rejection is playing a big role in your life. Let's help you heal those rejection wounds once and for all!

Rejection

Who gets rejected? Everyone. Some people experience rejection very early in life, as early as the womb (i.e., out-of-wedlock pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy, etc.), while others experience rejection later on in life. When rejection sets in at an early age, it can become a part of that person’s identity. Rejection that starts in infancy or adolescence can be triggered by experiences such as not being picked for a sports team, being bullied, friendships not working out, a sibling being favored over another, a divorce, parents spending too much time at work, and so on. Rejection can also occur to us as adults, for example, as the result of a divorce or breakup, a friend or parent breaking our trust, a church hurt, not getting a job we thought we were qualified for, and so on. Knowing where and when rejection set in is valuable for knowing how to root it out.
 
Rejected people have an unnatural need for others to like them. Because of this, they tend to be people-pleasers and require words of affirmation, or constant pats on the back, as a means of acceptance. People with rejection are self-centered and demand a lot of time and attention from others. They often develop unhealthy relationships and become codependent. Rejection distorts the mind. As a result, a pattern of rejection plays out over and over again regardless of whether the rejection is actually occurring or if it is just perceived. Rejected people have difficulty determining if the perceived rejection is actually happening or if it is just a vain imagination. Because rejected people perceive rejection so much, they tend to reject others and push them away first for fear of being rejected themselves again and again... And this can lead to isolation.
 
Rejection says:

• ​“I am unloved”
• “I am unwanted”
• “No one is going to like me”
• “I fear people won’t accept me”
• “My needs are not important”
• “Nothing I do is ever good enough”
• “You like someone else other than me”
• “I fear my situation won’t change”
• “I have to do something to get you to like me” (results in people pleasing and striving)
• “You don’t care about me”
• “Your thing is more important than mine thing”
• “Yes, I will” (over committing to gain approval)

 
Rejection shows up as:

• Unworthiness
• Inadequacy
• People pleasing (enablers)
• Unacceptance
• Jealousy
• Self-centeredness (“it’s all about me”)
• Low self-esteem
• Victim issues
• Self-pity, woe-is-me
• Insecurity
• Codependency
• Fear (of failure, being alone, correction, rejection, etc.)
• Belittling others (often seen in men)
• Disrespect for others’ views
• Isolation (due to hurt)
• Lashing out at others
• Gift-giving to be liked

 
When rejection is operating, it can cause us to think negative thoughts that tell us we are not good enough and that others reject us. Rejection is tied to a spirit of fear (e.g., fear of being rejected, fear of being corrected, fear of being alone, fear of failure, and so on). A root of insecurity and jealousy can also be underneath rejection that we may need to break agreement with. Rooting out rejection means breaking agreement with all such lies. It is important to identify these lies because the problem is believing these lies as truth. We need to take such thoughts captive and come out of agreement with them.
 
It’s also important to move through repentance and forgiveness and replace the rejection with acceptance and the spirit of adoption as a child of God. Rejected people need to understand their love and acceptance comes from God. When we know God accepts and loves us in Christ, no one can reject us. As part of the body of Christ, we are all needed, and each play a role in building up the body of Christ (the church). The truth is it’s all about Christ. This is why it is critical to know our identity in Christ. Often times when people reject us (as believers) for standing for the truth of God's word, they are really rejecting Jesus Christ.
 
God will sometimes use a person to help root rejection out of another person. If you feel that the Lord has called you to be such a person, then you need to recognize the importance of this role and put your best foot forward by loving the rejected person the way Christ does. And, be prepared to get hurt because rejected people don’t know how to talk about their feelings. They are “stuffers” and when they try to express themselves, it can come out messy and hurtful. Just remember, don’t take the hurt in – just love them.
 
If God is for us – and He is! – who can be against us? No one.

Video Teachings: Rejection

Podcast: Discussing Rejection​

• Episode: Discussing the Challenges of Rejection: Is Rejection Operating in Your Life?

Assignment

• Read Exposing the Rejection Mindset​, by Mark Dejesus. ​​