Lesson 10: Abuse
Abuse takes on many different forms including verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, mental, and spiritual abuse. When a person finds themselves the victim of abuse, it is important that they examine their role in the abuse cycle. Those who remain in abusive situations play the role of "enabler" by enabling their abuser's behavior. Enabling behavior is just as dysfunctional as the abuse itself and is usually the result of such things as:
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Do You:
Does Your Partner:
Abuse is about power and control (see Illustration 1 below).
- Failure to enforce boundaries
- Failure to establish consequences for abusive behavior
- Low self-esteem
- Fear
- Ignorance, lack of know-how
- Not having an action plan
- Not having adequate support or resources
- A false hope that things will be better "the next time"
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Do You:
- Feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
- Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
- Feel that you can't do anything right for your partner?
- Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
- Wonder if you're the one who is crazy?
- Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does Your Partner:
- Humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
- Treat you so badly that you're embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
- Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
- Blame you for his or her own abusive behavior?
- See you as a sex object, rather than as a person?
Abuse is about power and control (see Illustration 1 below).
Illustration 1 - Power and Control Abuse Wheel
When ministering to a victim of abuse, the first consideration needs to be his or her safety. If your client is in a life threatening or unsafe situation, then you will want to help him or her establish a "safety plan" before engaging him or her in any further work. This could mean your client may need to move to a location away from his or her abuser or even get a restraining order. Once your client is safe, then you can counsel and support him or her in other areas of growth.
Abuse plays itself out in cycles. In order to end the abuse cycle, the victim of abuse needs to engage in the cycle of personal responsibility (see Illustration 2). Once such a person is ready to break the abuse cycle, you can work with him or her to create a plan of action and hold him or her accountable for moving forward with it. Be sure to address other areas of challenge that your client may have, as mentioned above.
Abuse plays itself out in cycles. In order to end the abuse cycle, the victim of abuse needs to engage in the cycle of personal responsibility (see Illustration 2). Once such a person is ready to break the abuse cycle, you can work with him or her to create a plan of action and hold him or her accountable for moving forward with it. Be sure to address other areas of challenge that your client may have, as mentioned above.
Illustration 2 - Cycle of Abuse and Cycle of Personal Responsibility
Assignment
- Read It's Not Okay Anymore, Your Personal Guide to Ending Abuse, by Greg Enns.