Lesson 2: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is foundational to healing. However, forgiveness is something that is contrary to our human nature. One thing about life we can all be certain of is that we are going to be hurt, offended, and wounded by others at some point. Inevitably, we will do the same in return. Many confuse forgiveness with being a feeling rather than it being a choice. In fact, forgiveness is a decision that requires an act of our will.

​If we choose to hold onto unforgiveness, it will weigh us down and keep our hearts and minds in bondage. Unforgiveness is a sin that if ignored will turn into bitterness, resentment, and stress. It can affect our spiritual walk, emotions, relationships, and health. Did you know that unforgiveness is the leading cause of most diseases such as cancer (bitterness), high blood pressure, heart issues, and other stress related ailments?

​It is important to understand, refusing to forgive others gives them power over us. When we instead choose to forgive, we set ourselves free. In this way, forgiveness is for us, not for our offenders.
 
Forgiveness IS:

• An act of will, a conscious choice
• An expression of love, placing ourselves in a position of love​
• Enforcing appropriate consequences and boundaries
• Something that we need to practice, making it a way of life
• Releasing our offenders from their debt and accepting the ministry of reconciliation
• Extending our offenders a full pardon
• Trusting God to appropriate righteous judgement
• Letting go of the need for revenge
• Letting go of our criticisms, self-pity, and judgmental attitude
• Saying “it is what it is” and “it was what it was”
• Obedience because God wants us to release it, not relive it

Forgiveness is NOT:

• A feeling
• Tolerance
• Deserved
• Trust (this takes time to rebuild)
• Forgetting or pretending the offense never happened
• Demanding the offender change his or her behavior
• Putting yourself back into a relationship with an offender
• Arguing it out anymore
• Denying the pain, hurt, or anger (it takes time for a wound to heal)
• An instant and full reconciliation with the offender
• Enabling the offender​​

Blocks to Forgiveness

BLOCKS	RESULTS
Pride	This can make us think our offense was so bad that we are somehow owed something
Need for Attention	Unforgiveness gives people something to talk about and can become part of their identity
Condemnation	Prevents us from forgiving ourselves and others
Fear ​	The fear of being hurt again or fearing our offenders will hurt others
Revenge ​	​The need for revenge can keep us stuck in unforgiveness
Entitlement	The need to feel superior or entitled is another stumbling block

​Because forgiveness is against our human nature, we find the power to forgive through Christ. Only by Christ’s example can we learn how to forgive others. Taking on the characteristic of Christ by forgiving in the way he forgave will allows us to cultivate a heart that is ready to forgive. We choose to forgive another based on what Jesus did for us. Aligning our hearts with the words of Christ can help us make forgiveness the condition of our hearts. Also, allowing ourselves to let go of "needing an apology" from our offenders will move us into a place of freedom. Forgiveness creates space in our hearts for us to extend love to others which makes us better people and, in turn, helps others be better people as well.
 
Those who hurt others are often times wounded individuals who themselves are in need of prayer and healing. For this reason, we can demonstrate love toward our enemies by praying for them. God instructs us not to overcome evil with evil, but rather with good (i.e., extending forgiveness, praying for our offenders, thinking not reacting, living peacefully with others, etc.). Believers have the example of Christ, guidance of the Word, the Holy Ghost, and the power of prayer at our disposal. Let us stay focused on showing love, and let God be God.
 
In addition to forgiving others, we need to ask for forgiveness where we have offended. Even when we are not at fault, we can challenge ourselves to search for ways to create more peace and harmony in our relationships. Letting go of our need to "always be right" and living peacefully with others is important and will lead to more inner peace as well. It’s imperative that we examine ourselves to see where we may have violated someone else’s expectation of us and see where we may be causing others to stumble or suffer as a result of our words, actions, and behaviors.

Video Teachings: Forgiveness

Assignment

• Read chapter 10 in the Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life book.
• Review the following handouts located in your ministry tool kit:
  1. Forgiveness - What It Is and Is Not
  2. Tips on Forgiveness​

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