Lesson 3: Rejection
Who gets rejected? Everyone. Some people experience rejection very early in life, as early as the womb (i.e., out-of-wedlock pregnancy, unplanned/unwanted pregnancy, etc.), while others experience rejection later on in life. When rejection sets in at an early age, it becomes a part of a person’s identity. Rejection that starts in infancy or adolescence can be triggered by experiences such as not being picked for a sports team, being bullied, friendships not working out, abuse in the home, a sibling being favored over another, a divorce, or parents spending too much time at work. Rejection can also occur to us as adults, for example, as the result of a divorce or breakup, a friend or parent breaking our trust, a church hurt, or not getting a job we thought we were qualified for. Knowing where and when rejection set in is valuable for knowing how to root it out.
Rejected people have an unnatural need for others to like them. Because of this, they tend to be people pleasers and require words of affirmation, or constant pats on the back, as a means of acceptance. People with rejection are self-centered and demand a lot of time and attention from others. They often develop unhealthy relationships and become codependent. Rejection distorts the mind. As a result, a pattern of rejection plays out over and over again regardless of whether the rejection is actually occurring or if it is just perceived. Rejected people have difficulty determining if the perceived rejection is actually happening or if it is just a vain imagination. Because rejected people perceive rejection so much, they tend to reject others and push them away for fear of being rejected again and again. This can lead to isolation.
Rejection says:
Rejection shows up as:
When rejection is operating, it can cause us to think negative thoughts that tell us we are not good enough and that others reject us. Rejection is tied to a spirit of fear (e.g., fear of being rejected, fear of being corrected, fear of being alone, fear of failure, and so on). A root of insecurity and jealousy can also be underneath rejection that we may need to break agreement with. Rooting out rejection means breaking agreement with all such lies. It is important to identify these lies because the problem is believing these lies as truth. We need to take such thoughts captive and come out of agreement with them.
It’s also important to move through repentance and forgiveness and replace the rejection with acceptance and the spirit of adoption as a child of God. Rejected people need to understand their love and acceptance comes from God. When we know God accepts and loves us in Christ, no one can reject us. As part of the body of Christ, we are all needed, and each play a role in building up the body of Christ (the church). The truth is it’s all about Christ. This is why it is critical to know our identity in Christ. Often times when people reject us (as believers) for standing for the truth of God's word, they are really rejecting Jesus Christ.
God will sometimes use a person to help root rejection out of another person. If you feel that the Lord has called you to be such a person, then you need to recognize the importance of this role and put your best foot forward by loving the rejected person the way Christ does. And, be prepared to get hurt because rejected people don’t know how to talk about their feelings. They are “stuffers” and when they try to express themselves, it can come out messy and hurtful. Just remember, don’t take the hurt in – just love them.
If God is for us – and He is! – who can be against us? No one.
Rejected people have an unnatural need for others to like them. Because of this, they tend to be people pleasers and require words of affirmation, or constant pats on the back, as a means of acceptance. People with rejection are self-centered and demand a lot of time and attention from others. They often develop unhealthy relationships and become codependent. Rejection distorts the mind. As a result, a pattern of rejection plays out over and over again regardless of whether the rejection is actually occurring or if it is just perceived. Rejected people have difficulty determining if the perceived rejection is actually happening or if it is just a vain imagination. Because rejected people perceive rejection so much, they tend to reject others and push them away for fear of being rejected again and again. This can lead to isolation.
Rejection says:
- “I am unloved”
- “I am unwanted”
- “No one is going to like me”
- “I fear people won’t accept me”
- “My needs are not important”
- “Nothing I do is ever good enough”
- “You like someone else other than me”
- “I fear my situation won’t change”
- “I have to do something to get you to like me” (results in people pleasing and striving)
- “You don’t care about me”
- “Your thing is more important than mine thing”
- “Yes, I will” (over committing to gain approval)
Rejection shows up as:
- Unworthiness
- Inadequacy
- People pleasing (enablers)
- Unacceptance
- Jealousy
- Self-centeredness (“it’s all about me”)
- Low self-esteem
- Victim issues
- Self-pity, woe-is-me
- Insecurity
- Codependency
- Fear (of failure, being alone, correction, rejection, etc.)
- Belittling others (often seen in men)
- Disrespect for others’ views
- Isolation (due to hurt)
- Lashing out at others
- Gift-giving to be liked
When rejection is operating, it can cause us to think negative thoughts that tell us we are not good enough and that others reject us. Rejection is tied to a spirit of fear (e.g., fear of being rejected, fear of being corrected, fear of being alone, fear of failure, and so on). A root of insecurity and jealousy can also be underneath rejection that we may need to break agreement with. Rooting out rejection means breaking agreement with all such lies. It is important to identify these lies because the problem is believing these lies as truth. We need to take such thoughts captive and come out of agreement with them.
It’s also important to move through repentance and forgiveness and replace the rejection with acceptance and the spirit of adoption as a child of God. Rejected people need to understand their love and acceptance comes from God. When we know God accepts and loves us in Christ, no one can reject us. As part of the body of Christ, we are all needed, and each play a role in building up the body of Christ (the church). The truth is it’s all about Christ. This is why it is critical to know our identity in Christ. Often times when people reject us (as believers) for standing for the truth of God's word, they are really rejecting Jesus Christ.
God will sometimes use a person to help root rejection out of another person. If you feel that the Lord has called you to be such a person, then you need to recognize the importance of this role and put your best foot forward by loving the rejected person the way Christ does. And, be prepared to get hurt because rejected people don’t know how to talk about their feelings. They are “stuffers” and when they try to express themselves, it can come out messy and hurtful. Just remember, don’t take the hurt in – just love them.
If God is for us – and He is! – who can be against us? No one.
Video Teachings: Rejection
Assignment
Read the book below:
- Exposing the Rejection Mindset, by Mark Dejesus