Lesson 5: Renew Your Mind

Lesson 5: Renew Your Mind & Reframe Negative Self-Talk

Did you know that the average person has 300 negative thoughts a day? The way you think affects everything in your life (e.g., the way you feel, the decisions you make, the people you associate with, what you do for work, your health, and so on). Improving your mental health involves learning to renew your mind with truth and taking control of your thoughts. It also means replacing distorted thinking patterns with healthier thinking patterns.

The good news is that you don't need to let your thoughts control you. You have a choice in what you think at any given time. Therefore, why not learn how to fill your mind with empowering thoughts rather than self-defeating thoughts? Once you understand where negative thoughts come from and how to reframe them, you will enjoy less anxiety and greater self-esteem. When you know how to think well you will be more productive, less stressed, and have more energy to do the things you want to do and be the person you want to be.

To complete this lesson, read the material in the white block, watch the presentation, review the practice section, and complete the audio lesson below. If you have questions throughout this lesson, submit them via the form at the bottom of the page.

Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is a bad habit that if not addressed can develop into an addictive behavior. And, because we get good at what we practice, many have become really good at negative thinking. The average person thinks, “I’m not a negative thinker! I’m such a positive person!” However, did you know that most people have an average of 300 negative thoughts a day?! Our inner self-dialogue (the way we speak to ourselves) deeply affects our lives. It is one of the root causes of low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, a lack of energy and productivity, and even suicide. We know from scripture that the spiritual war occurs in our minds which is why Romans 12:2 says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

Therefore, we can clearly see why healthy self-talk is so important to practice and cultivate. We need to learn how to choose our thoughts and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Empowering self-talk is a skill that has to be learned over time and takes daily practice.

Presentation: Renew Your Mind

What is Negative Self-Talk?

Negative self-talk is any unkind, untrue, unproductive, discompassionate, fearful, all-or-nothing, limiting, ungodly, unhealthy, or discouraging self-talk. For example, "No one appreciates me, I'm always taken advantage of!" It is any thought that makes us feel self-defeated, ugly, fearful, weak, insecure, incapable, angry, hopeless, guilty, unlovable, unworthy, depressed, discouraged, unsupported, worthless, and so on. A little self-criticism can be a good thing so the goal is not to eliminate healthy self-critical thoughts that can motivate us to take action.

Most Negative Self-Talk Begins With:

I can’t…
I am not…
I will never…
I should…
I always…
No one…
I wish…
They must think…
Why can’t I…
I don’t have…
All men/women/people are…
What if…(fear-based)
It’s all your/their fault…
Nothing will ever…

What is Empowering Self-Talk?

Empowering self-talk is any intentional, kind, true, encouraging, helpful, accountable, biblical, allowing, grateful, and compassionate self-talk. For example, "My time is valuable, and I give myself permission to say ‘no’ and ask for what I need.” It is any thought that makes us feel comforted, soothed, safe, relaxed, energized, special, strong, capable, lovable, free, forgiven, flexible, talented, attractive, accepted, in control, smart, supported, and so on.

Most Empowering Self-Talk Begins With:

I can…
I am able…
I will…
I allow myself to…
I have…
I sometimes…
Right now, I am…
Some people think…
I could be…
I choose to…
Some men/women/people are…
Some things are…
I’m sorry…
I played a role in…

Where Do Negative Thoughts Come From?

The Enemy - Spiritual battle (spiritual wickedness); the main battleground is in our mind. Ungodly involuntary thoughts are the fiery darts (run contrary to God’s Word) from the enemy: Ephesians 6:16, “Above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.” Break agreement with these; Use the armor of God – Truth, Righteousness, Faith, Peace, Hope, The Sword of the Spirit (the Word).
Others - Family, Teachers, Friends, Pastors, Bosses, Co-workers, Coaches, Celebrities, Other
Self (Sin) - Gives way to distorted patterns of thinking, limiting mindsets, misbeliefs, disempowering inner vows, not being grounded in one’s identity, etc.
Media - TV, Movies, Music, Magazines, and Advertising. Conforms our way of thinking with the world.

Distorted Thinking Patterns

Distorted thinking patterns are ways of thinking, or thinking habits, we practice that are not healthy. Below is a listing of such patterns:

Stewing - Dwelling on or repeating negative thoughts in your mind
Magnifying - Blowing things out of proportion; overreacting to a minor issue and drawing a negative conclusion
All-or-Nothing - Black-n-white thinking; swinging between the extremes; everything is a complete success or failure
Fortune Telling - Predicting the negative future outcomes with limited information or knowledge; catastrophizing
Mind Reading - Negatively assuming what others are thinking with limited knowledge
Minimizing - Downplaying one’s accomplishments or attributes
Personalization - Taking things too personally; assuming everything happening around you is related to you or about you

Healthy Thinking Patterns

Conversely, these are healthy thinking patterns that should be cultivated instead:

Mindfulness - Be intentional about stopping yourself from dwelling on bad experiences/thoughts; practice being more present and "in the moment" (not the past or the future)
Forgiveness - Practice forgiveness as a way of life; give yourself and others permission to make mistakes and learn from them
Think Win-Win - This is thinking that sees both sides of a situation that are mutually beneficial
Assume the Best - Assume positive outcomes, think "What if it does work?", "What if I can do it?", "Maybe they didn't mean that?", or "Maybe he was just trying to be helpful?", etc.
Be Others Minded - Consider that you may have nothing to do with other people's reactions; be more others minded
Gratitude - Practice thankfulness, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, God's will is that we give thanks in all circumstances; thankful people are happy people

Misbeliefs

Misbeliefs are also a source of negative self-talk. A misbelief is a wrong or false belief or opinion (e.g., heresy, delusion, illusion, error, mistake, misconception). And, because our beliefs affect everything, letting misbeliefs go unchecked will affect our thoughts, words, actions, habits, values, and destiny.

5 Mind Renewing Habits

What are you focusing on? What you focus on grows, so choose thoughts you want to focus on—not the ones you don’t. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Learn to change the “channel” in your mind.
What is the narrative you are listening to? Your “story” is the lens through which you see your life. Create a new, empowering narrative for yourself, one where your past isn’t projected onto your future. Remind yourself, “That was then, this is now.”
What do you look for? Recondition your mind to highlight what is possible and good, rather than always seeing things from a disempowering, fearful perspective.
What do you talk about? Our words have power and reinforce what we think and believe to be true. Start talking a “new talk” that will open up new neuropathways.
What actions are you taking? Put your new thoughts into action! Shift from fear-based action to more faith-based action. God does not use fear to motivate us.

Recap

To heal negative self-talk practice the following:

Correct distorted thinking patterns
Correct misbeliefs
Heal disordered mindsets
Stop seeking others’ approval
Know God’s point-of-view by knowing scripture
Get grounded in our identity
Break agreement with disempowering inner self-vows (Ex. "I will never depend on anyone ever again!")
Practice the 5 mind renewing habits daily

Prayer

“Lord, I ask you to help me no longer entertain, empower, or feed any fearful, ungodly, disempowering thoughts. Make me aware of any thought that is not increasing faith, hope, and love within me. Help me to starve and no longer give attention to thoughts like this in my mind.

I come out of agreement with any lie the enemy has used to tell me I am not good enough or that I can’t have the destiny you have planned for me to walk in.

Thank you for the understanding I have received in this lesson. Lord, I ask you to help me take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and to create renewed ways of thinking that will increase me in power, love, and a sound mind from this day forward. Amen.”

Practice: 4 Steps to Reframe Negative Self-Talk

Once you become more aware of negative self-talk, you can use the 4 steps below to practice renewing your mind:

1. Stop - Stop negative thoughts (and words) right away!
2. Write - Write down your negative thought (Ex. "No one understands me.")
3. Rethink - Rethink the thought by asking the following questions:

Is this thought true?
Does this thought make me feel empowered and comforted?
Is it Reasonable, Rational, and Realistic?
Can I do something to resolve of change this?
Do I need more information to make an informed decision?
What would my best friend or God tell me?

4. Renew - Renew the thought with an empowering thought. Be sure the "new thought" is believable and makes you feel energized, empowered, and comforted (Ex. "I have valuable insights that may be better understood if I would try seeking to understand the other person's point-of-view first before I speak.")

Use the worksheet below to practice reframing your negative thoughts. And remember, practice daily!

Reframe Negative Self-Talk Worksheet
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Audio Teaching

Listen to the audio teaching below, and take notes as you listen. Note, this lesson is part of a larger course and is lesson 3 from that course.

Suggestion

Is negative self-talk a challenge for you? If so, you could be struggling with a lack of self-love and may want to consider completing Lesson 1: Healing Your Heart.

Have a Question?

Submit a question at any point during this lesson. You will receive a response via email unless your question requires a more detailed response, then a call will be scheduled.