Lesson 8: Ministering to Married Couples and Singles

As a Christian counselor, you will have many clients looking for support and direction with marriage, divorce, remarriage, and dating. For this reason, understanding what the scriptures teach regarding all of these situations is necessary. It is also important to know that these topics are highly debated within the Christian community. Therefore, you will want to establish a confidence around what the scriptures teach regarding these topics for yourself. And remember, God is for godly marriages and family, and he hates divorce. For this reason, the enemy is working harder than ever to destroy, pervert, and prevent godly marriages and the family unit. When counseling married couples try your best to speak reconciliation, restoration, and life back into the brokenness and division that has crept its way into their marriage. 

Here are some key points to keep in mind:

• For those who are married, God's will is for married people to remain married for life and work to reconcile any differences. God makes it clear that he hates divorce, and that marriage is a lifelong relationship (Malachi 2:16). Believers who are married are not to divorce, but if they do, they are to remain single or be reconciled (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). Godly marriages are only between a man and a woman.
• For believers who are married to an unbelieving spouse, they are to remain married. But if the unbelieving spouse wishes to divorce, let them go, in such situations the believing spouse is no longer bound to that marriage (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).
• For those who are divorced, if their former spouse has not remarried yet they should ask themselves, "Is there a possibility for reconciliation?" However, if their former spouse has already remarried, then there is no opportunity to reconcile that marriage. God does not want them to breakup their former spouse's marriage in an attempt to remarry their former spouse (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). "Divorce" happens when adultery (i.e., the joining of flesh with another) happens. If adultery happens, the other spouse is at liberty to remarry (see Matthew 19:8-9 and Matthew 5:31-32). This said, God would still prefer for the offending spouse to repent and for the married couple to reconcile their marriage. Watch the videos below to understand more on this topic.
• For those who are remarried, contrary to many false teachings, their marriage is valid in God's eyes, and they are not living in a perpetual state of adultery. God's desire is for them to be the best husband or wife they can be in the marriage they are now in. God's will for marriage is that it be for life. However, when a remarriage occurs, the possibility for returning to the original spouse is no longer an option (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).
• For those who are single, they should abstain from sex until they are married (sex outside of marriage is the sin of fornication). God commands those who cannot control their sexual desires, to marry (1 Corinthians 7:9). For believers who want to marry, they are to "marry in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39).
• For those who are struggling with homosexuality, it is important to understand that this is a sexual sin (along with fornication, adultery, pedophilia, and bestiality) and is a spiritual issue. A person is not "born homosexual", this is a lie perpetrated in society by the enemy. Homosexual marriage is not recognized by God as it goes against the natural order put in place by the Creator and is love that is NOT according to truth. Those struggling with this sin prefer to do things "their way" rather than "God's way" (i.e., Romans 1:25-28, "...they did not like to retain God in their knowledge...") which is a form of idolatry. For more detail on this topic please watch this video. ​

God's Order for Family

God uses marriage and family to help grow us. If we take a closer look at the marriage relationship, scripture states that the husband is to "love his wife just as Christ loves the church" and to love her as his own body. A husband is given the responsibility of being the head of (or covering for) his wife. Scripture commands wives to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord". Wives are to respect their husbands and submit to their husband's authority as their head (Ephesians 5:21-33). The main reason for failed marriages is disobedience on the part of both spouses to live out these commands consistently within their marriage. When a husband fails to love his wife and a wife fails to respect her husband, they get caught in what is called the crazy cycle. When married couples find themselves caught in this crazy cycle, and they continue in it, their marriages often times will end in divorce.

Fortunately, there is hope! By showing the couple how they can re-engage in what is called the reward cycle they can restore the love and respect that has broken down within their marriage. The husband can break the crazy cycle by asking himself, "Am I loving my wife in ways that will earn her respect?". The wife can break the crazy cycle by asking herself, "Am I respecting my husband in ways that will cause him to show me the love I so need?" The Love & Respect book below will go into much more detail about this destructive crazy cycle and will show you how to help your married clients re-engage in the reward cycle. 

Video Teachings

Assignment

The books below are some of the best resources available on the topic of marriage, relationships, communication, and sexual and emotional integrity. The material in these books and handouts will help you minister adequate support and guidance to both married couples and singles alike.

​Read the books below (most are also available as audiobooks):

• Love & Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs 
• Marriage on the Rock, by Jimmy Evans
• Telling Each Other the Truth, by William Backus​​ ​
• Every Woman's Battle, by Shannon Ethridge
• ​Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
• Review the following handouts located in your ministry tool kit:
  1. Her Needs in a Marriage
  2. His Needs in a Marriage
  3. ​Characteristics of Healthy Love
     

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