Marriage & Relationships

Are you struggling in your marriage? Are you divorced and wondering if God is okay with you getting remarried? Are you remarried and wondering if you are living in sin? Are you single and need some dating advise? Do you want to learn more about godly marriage? If so, what you will learn in this lesson will help you move forward in any of these areas. To complete this lesson, read the material in the white block, watch the video teachings, podcast discussion (for single women), and complete the reading assignments. Read what you feel best applies to your situation.

Married, Divorced, Remarried, or Single

The biggest area of struggle for most people is relationships, especially the marriage relationship. Albeit challenging, maintaining healthy relationships in our lives is the most rewarding and live-giving thing we can do for ourselves. This is why most of us need more knowledge and support understanding marriage, divorce, remarriage, and/or dating. To begin with, let's start by taking a closer look at what the scriptures teach regarding all of these situations. And remember, God is for godly marriages and family, and he hates divorce. For this reason, the enemy is working harder than ever to destroy, pervert, and prevent godly marriages and the family unit.

Here are some quick pointers to keep in mind:

• For those who are married, God's will is for married people to remain married for life and work to reconcile any differences. God makes it clear that he hates divorce, and that marriage is a lifelong relationship (Malachi 2:16). Believers who are married are not to divorce, but if they do, they are to do their best to be reconciled (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). Godly marriages are only between a man and a woman. Please review the below document on understanding godly marriage. Please read the document below on understanding godly marriage and watch this video lesson on Godly Marriages.
  

Understanding Godly Marriage
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• For believers who are married to an unbelieving spouse, they are to remain married. But if the unbelieving spouse wishes to divorce, let them go, in such situations the believing spouse is no longer bound to that marriage (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).
• For those who are divorced, if their former spouse has not remarried yet they should ask themselves, "Is there a possibility for reconciliation?" However, if their former spouse has already remarried, then there is no opportunity to reconcile that marriage. God does not want them to breakup their former spouse's marriage in an attempt to remarry their former spouse (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). "Divorce" happens when adultery (i.e., the joining of flesh with another) happens. If adultery happens, the other spouse is at liberty to remarry (see Matthew 19:8-9 and Matthew 5:31-32). This said, God would still prefer for the offending spouse to repent and for the married couple to reconcile their marriage. Watch the videos below to understand more on this topic. Please watch this video lesson Is Divorce Unpardonable?
• For those who are remarried, contrary to many false teachings, their marriage is valid in God's eyes, and they are not living in a perpetual state of adultery. God's desire is for them to be the best husband or wife they can be in the marriage they are now in. God's will for marriage is that it be for life. However, when a remarriage occurs, the possibility for returning to the original spouse is no longer an option (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Please watch these two video lessons, Are Divorced People Free to Marry Another Biblically? and Divorce and Remarriage Everything the Bible Says About It. 
• For those who are single, they should abstain from sex until they are married (sex outside of marriage is the sin of fornication). God commands those who cannot control their sexual desires, to marry (1 Corinthians 7:9). For believers who want to marry, they are to "marry in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39). If you are single and currently dating, please watch this video lesson on the 10 Signs of Relationally Unsafe People.
  
• For those who are struggling with homosexuality, it is important to understand that this is a sexual sin (along with fornication, adultery, pedophilia, incest, and bestiality) and is a spiritual issue. No one is genetically "born homosexual". This way of thinking is a lie perpetrated in society by the enemy. According to scripture, a homosexual relationship, from God's perspective, is considered love that is NOT according to truth. Therefore, a homosexual marriage is not recognized by God as a godly union because it goes against the natural order put in place by the Creator. Those struggling with this sin prefer to do things "their way" rather than "God's way" (i.e., Romans 1:25-28, "...they did not like to retain God in their knowledge...") which is a form of idolatry. Please watch this video lesson Why Is Sodomy Associated With Idolatry? ​

God's Order for Family

God uses marriage and family to help grow us. If we take a closer look at the marriage relationship, scripture states that the husband is to "love his wife just as Christ loves the church" and to love her as his own body. A husband is given the responsibility of being the head of (or covering for) his wife. Scripture commands wives to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord". Wives are to respect their husbands and submit to their husband's authority as their head (Ephesians 5:21-33). The main reason for failed marriages is disobedience on the part of both spouses to live out these commands consistently within their marriage. When a husband fails to love his wife and a wife fails to respect her husband, they get caught in what is called the crazy cycle. When married couples find themselves caught in this crazy cycle, and they continue in it, their marriages often times will end in divorce.

Fortunately, there is hope! By learning to re-engage in what is called the energizing cycle you can restore the love and respect that has broken down within your marriage. A husband can break the crazy cycle by asking himself, "Am I loving my wife in ways that will earn her respect?". A wife can break the crazy cycle by asking herself, "Am I respecting my husband in ways that will cause him to show me the love I so need?" The Love & Respect book below will go into much more detail about this destructive crazy cycle and will show you how to re-engage in the energizing cycle. 

His and Her Needs In Marriage

The handouts below outline "His Needs" and "Her Needs" in a marriage. The information in these documents will help you better understand what you need and what your spouse needs in your marriage.

His Needs in a Marriage
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Her Needs in a Marriage
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Reading Assignments

Read the books below (or listen to the audiobook) that you think will best support what you are going through:
- If you are married, focus on books #1, #2, #3, and (#4 for women or #5 for men).
- If you are single, focus on books #1 and (#4 for women or #5 for men).
- If you would like to learn more about what the Bible teaches regarding divorce and remarriage, focus on book #6.

1. Love & Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs 
2. Marriage on the Rock, by Jimmy Evans
3. Return to Intimacy (4 Session CD), by Jimmy Evans
4. FOR WOMEN:  Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment, by Shannon Ethridge
5. FOR MEN:  Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation, by Stephen Arterburn
6. What The Bible Says About Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage, by Robert Breaker​​