Learning to set healthy boundaries

Female, Anonymous - West Palm Beach, FL

I first contacted Stephanie after my boyfriend of three years suddenly and abruptly ended our relationship. Needless to say I was shocked, heartbroken, and devastated. Questions flooded my mind like, "What is wrong with me?", "What did I do wrong?", "Was I not good enough?", "Why did he leave me?" I was convinced that he left me because of something I did. I felt that perhaps there was some reason why I wasn't good enough for him and that it was all my fault the relationship had ended. Furthermore, I later came to learn that during the relationship he was seeing another woman. This only added to my pain and suffering. As a result, I became depressed and was left feeling alone, sad, worthless, and unattractive. For someone who knows herself to be a very strong person, I couldn't understand why or how I had let myself get to the point of losing myself, my identity, and my self-esteem. I felt like the world was against me and that my life was passing me by.

After a few sessions with Stephanie, I started to understand how part of my depression was coming from my negative self-talk. Together we identified some of the lies I was telling myself and reframed them with the truth. I learned that we can't choose our experiences but we can choose how we respond to our experiences. I am learning how to respond in healthier ways. I am also learning about the need for healthy personal boundaries, why they are important, and how to effectively establish them. I see now that my failure to establish and enforce healthy personal boundaries in my previous relationship was part of the problem.

Since then, I have made a lot of positive changes. I'm starting to put myself first, appreciate myself more, and I am able to set healthy boundaries for myself. I understand that people will come into my life, and sometimes won't stay for long, but that I can always learn something from the experience. My life is so much easier now. I lean more on God, and when I get lonely or depressed, I trust in Him. Jesus is healing my broken heart. I acknowledge some of my flaws and I'm working on them. One area of growth that I'm working on is my tendency to become a "caretaker" in relationships which results in me "losing myself" in relationships. I'm learning how to better care for myself and not ignore my needs. I know that I first need to love myself well before I can truly love others well.